Tag Archives: 1970s

Phantasm (1979)

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 89min Classic teenie horror with flying spheres and Angus Scrimm

Recap

So there is this young orphan who lives with his adult brother, and when they bury his uncle, yes, the family seems not to be too lucky, he observes how the undertaker steals the whole coffin with the uncle inside.

Of course, the boy pays the funeral home a nightly visit, and he even encounters some Jawas straight from Tatooine. Yes, in a way this is a horror movie for young teenagers. The hero, Mike, is a youngster who rides a motorbike and drives really hot car and even plays with a big knife and guns. And when his brother Jody locks him in, he uses a pump gun round to macgyver a mini explosive. The undertaker, known as Tall Man, is an extremely corny boogeyman and was a highlight in actor Angus Scrimm’s otherwise not so overwhelming career, much like Freddy Krueger was for Robert Englund. There is a little gore in the movie, but it is a quite unreal scene involving a (by now legendary) flying metal ball, other scares are more appropriate for a younger audience, like having an insect in one’s 70s mane or a disappearing ice-cream vendor.

This one is not a masterpiece, at one point Jody’s friend Reggie has to tie up several loose plot threads in a half dozen lines of dialog. But yet, the movie was made with inspiration and diligence, and even though it is lowbudget, there are some very nice sets and special effects. The atmosphere in some scenes is quite dreamlike, and the plot even includes some kind of interdimensional space travel.

I think they sure made the most out of the budget, and I guess for 1979 the movie even was a little bit avantgarde. So while it was not an instant success it gained some well deserved popularity and became the first part of a small franchise.

Definitely recommended.


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Movie

Trailer

Info

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imdb

Tourist Trap (1979)

Pleasant slasher about young tourists trapped with a bunch of mannequins. 90min imdb

Recap:

So there are these young people who are stuck in a tourist trap full of mannequins, and there is this man who likes to wear a mask that makes him look and feel like a doll, and this is the beginning of a wonderful slasher movie. Oh, and we learn very soon that he has telekinetic powers.

Yes, the budget is low and it shows. There are some major logic bugs. This is not considered one of the best slashers ever for a reason. However they make the most of their budget and their skills, this one is very decent and well worth a watch.

Sure, it borrows some ideas from films like Psycho and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but it is also interesting to see which movies it inspired. At least for me, that is. I read that this one is about mannequins, and I thought: well, that’s neat. A movie about scary dolls. This may be nice for starters, because I soon want to take a closer look at the Full Moon Extended Universe with all the Puppetmaster and doll stuff anyway. Well, guess what, this one is produced by Charles Band, this is the inofficial start of the Bandiverse.

Movie 90min

Trailer

Count Dracula’s Great Love (1973)

Young women at the mercy of Dracula. With boob, blood and Paul Naschy. 75min imdb

Recap:

So there are these young women who have a broken carriage wheel and thus have two stay in a castle where they find a book in which they read that there will always be a Dracula until he finds true love. Conveniently one girl falls in love with Dracula while the other girls are turned into vampires. Now it’s time to revive Dracula’s daughter, the countess. Eventually the girl has to decide whether she wants to become a vampire or not.

Now this may sound stupid, but only because it is. I guess the plan was to a) make a movie with an incredibly long and dull exposition, b) show a lot of boobs, blood and violence and c) eventually come up with a plot that makes sense. Well, two out of three ain’t bad, and this is not the first time I noticed that a mediterranean movie neglected the plot.

On the upside, this movie is not dumber than most current micro-budget movies, but it looks much better, and it has Paul Naschy in it, which is a good thing for the fans of Paul Naschy. But it by no means is a good movie. Mediocre I would say.

Movie 73min

Movie 73min b&w

Trailer

The Brood (1979)

Family drama and psychoplasmic therapy, directed by David Cronenberg 92min imdb

Recap:

As a child, Nola has been abused by her mother, and her father didn’t help. Now she is a patient of Dr Raglan who is a shrink at the “Somafree Institute Of Psychoplasmics”. Her husband Frank notices marks of abuse on their daughter Candice. He decides to keep her away from her mother, talks to Raglan, has Nola’s parents involved…

It’s not a spoiler to say that Raglan, while not exactly competent, is not completely inapt, either. He has taken all the psychobabble about giving your emotions Gestalt to the next level. Patient Mike gets a physiological rash when psychologically (or psychoplasmically) interacting wit Raglan, expatient Jona even has developed lymphoma, and Nola, well, let’s just say that she has ways to externalize her bad vibes.

So what we have here is a cheap and nasty family drama, a psycho therapy from Cronenberg World (and, I guess, a look at the shards of Cronenberg’s shattered marriage). People are not getting tired of pointing out that this is not Cronenberg’s best movie, but nobody denies that the ending will be a classic forever.

Movie 92min

Trailer

The Ghost Galleon (1974)

Third batch of the Blind Dead: the templars on the “Dutchman’s” galleon. 89min imdb

Recap:

As part of a publicity stunt a model and a starlet use a small boat on the open sea, and the boat is damaged when it hits a 16th century galleon. To the rescue come the two men who got them into this mess, a scientist who is of bored of mere science and two women who happen to be around.

On board they find the coffins of the 8th century templars and the captain’s log of an ominous “Dutchman”, and that’s all the “explanation” that we get, and of course we don’t get an answer to the most important question: why did they bother to make this movie? I don’t get the impression that anyone involved really cared. Let’s just get those people on board of the ship, even if we don’t have a decent plot or motivation for the characters. Let’s pad the runtime with some models in two piece swimsuits (at least nobody will complain about this) and a flashback to explore the relation of the two model girls of which one is already dead. Wait, isn’t this supposed to be a horror movie? Shouldn’t we have some templars templaring around? Meh, if you insist. But not more than one onscreen murder. And have you seen the REALLY GOOD horror movie last year? Let’s use the word “exorcism” in this one!

People who are keen on watching everything zombie will watch this one, too. But they will not really enjoy it.

Movie 90min subtitled

Trailer

Related:

Fritz The Cat (1972)

First animation movie by Ralph Bakshi, based on the works of Robert Crumb 78min imdb

Recap:

Fritz The Cat is selfish, irresponsible, hedonistic and his head is full of buzzwords that may sound poetic and progressive, but he’s far from understanding them or living up to them. As a college boy he enjoys a life of sex and drugs and Rock & Roll until it’s time to learn for the exams. He drops out of college and, while being stoned, tries to be blacker than a crow, causing a race riot. He leaves town with his girlfriend Winston but ditches her as soon as she becomes a threat to his boyish ego.

Robert Crumb is a genius. Period. When counter-culture was new and significant, he was among those who thought new thoughts, brought new ideas to the table and renewed their arts and crafts, in his case: comic books. FritzThe Cat is one of his best and certainly the most famous of his creations, and much of what is great about him can be seen in this movie. However, this is a Ralph Bakshi movie. Ralph Bakshi is an artist, too. He wanted to create animation that goes beyond Disney, and in a way he succeeded. This movie exists, and so does the other stuff that he created, and the stuff that may have been inspired by his works. However, he is anything but a genius. Where Crumb uses a scalpel, Bakshi uses a sledgehammer, so it’s a small wonder that Crumb hates this movie and that there is indeed a lot to dislike. Yet, this movie is a historic document that is worth to be watched and enjoyed. Thank Robert Crumb for the great parts, and don’t be too harsh with Ralph Bakshi about the shitty parts: at least he, too, created something new and broke some taboos, and while this movie is not a great piece of art it really is an innovation.

Movie 78min

Trailer

Return Of The Blind Dead (1973)

Second of the Blind Dead movies. 91min imdb

Recap:

So the villagers celebrate that the village has been templarfree for 500 years now, and the fiance of the mayor tries to rekindle her romance with the man who engineer’s the fireworks. However, the local idiot sheds a young woman’s blood to revive the blind dead who promptly poop the party (why? They won’t tell us, but it may well be because he is an idiot).

So there is a new batch of templars in this one: in the first movie they were hung, and then the birds ate their eyes. In this one they were blinded with torches and then burned on the pyre (which makes me wonder how they still got cloaks). Oh, and this time they are not so much into bloodsucking anymore. Generally it feels like the first one had more sex and violence in it (though I would have to re-watch it to be sure), and of course it had a great final plot twist that this one has so totally not. However, this one has much more plot in it and is by far not as slow-paced and longwinding. So while they’re both far from perfect I still say that both are pretty good, and the second one is a bit more entertaining. Enjoy.

Movie 91min

Trailer

Related movie:

Monty Python’s And Now For Something Completely Different (1971)

Theatrical remakes of classic Monty Python TV sketches, including (but not limited to) How Not To Be Seen, Dead Parrot, Lumberjack Song and and and 88min imdb

Recap:

My hovercraft is full of eels.

Well, I’m not going to try and be funny by retelling all the jokes in this movie. In the UK, the TV show Monty Python’s Flying Circus was quite a success, and when they wanted to sell it to the americans, they took a movie camera and reshot some of their stuff for the big screen just to get some attention. Good thing too because while old british TV shows are not shown too often, the Monty Python movies have become classics that we keep on watching again and again.

Basically it’s not even necessary to review this because almost everybody knows and loves it already. The very few who may have spend the last 50 years under a rock may thank the noble uploader and find out what they missed.

(Even though I can’t prove it: it is my firm belief that this movie inspired the Kentucky Fried Theatre to shoot short and absurd bits on video which in turn inspired John Landis to reshoot their stuff as The Kentucky Fried Movie, which opened the door for Zucker, Abraham and Zucker to make some of america’s best comedies.)

Movie 88min

Trailer

Devil Times Five (1974)

Five nasty brats find a group of the dumbest adults ever. With Leif Garrett. 78min imdb

Recap:

There is a bus accident, but five children survive and make it to a remote house where there is even a group of adults that they can play with. These adults are quite busy with themselves and also incredibly stupid, so it takes them forever to realize that the children are homicidal maniacs.

Now this is not literally a comedy, it isn’t even a conventional horror comedy, and yet it is (… well, yes, it is a little slow-paced and it takes a while until it picks up momentum, but still it is) an astonishingly funny movie. I guess I like the kids’ playful approach to killing. At one point the boys even bother to bring some gasoline just because they know that one of the girls likes it hot.

So all I want to say is that this movie is a treat.

Fun fact: costar Leif Garrett may be forgotten now, but he has had one Top10 hit in the USA.

Movie 78min

Trailer

The Last House On Dead End Street (1973)

A former prison inmate hates society, and his plot for revenge includes making a horror movie. 78min imdb

Recap:

Terry Hawkins is a small time crook who has just spent a year in jail. He blames hates the world instead of himself and is longing for revenge. He has experience with stag films and has connections to the pornography scene which has the problem that everything has been shown and seen already. Now he gathers a crew and makes himself a name by shooting a movie in which he chokes a man. Then he and his crew gather a group of designated victims.

The Cuckoo Clocks Of Hell was a movie of about 180min that was shown in 1973 on the Cannes and Berlin festivals and for a short time in some american cinemas. However an actress sued producer/writer/director/actor Roger Watkins because of her nude scenes. A 78min butchered version was released as Fun House in 1977 and as The Last House On Dead End Street in 1979. The original version however remained lost and became the center of all kinds of legends.

But we still can watch the butchered version, and that is an intense and dark and sometimes even surreal experience. There is nothing normal in it, just hatred and violence. It is a movie about movie making that can be watched on a meta level. Also, it is a porn that replaces the act of reproduction with violence, so it’s a good thing that google/youtube is an american company, because violence is not much of a problem for americans, so we can watch it there because Terry Hawkins is just a harmless murderer instead of an evil pornographer.

This movie is definitely very interesting to watch. It’s said that it had a budget of $3000, but the director claims that he had spent 2200 of it on amphetamines. There are not many nobudget movies as impressive as this one. Sure it doesn’t leave a nice impression, but as a disturbing movie it has really passed the test of time. Even though it’s just a butchered movie I say it’s very, very good.

Movie 77min

Trailer

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Most legendary slasher movie ever. Directed and co-written by Tobe Hooper. 83min imdb

Recap:

In Muerto County there is an especially vile case of grave robbery, so the siblings Sally and Franklin go there to look after their grandfather’s grave, along with three friends. On their way back they decide to stop the grandfather’s house, and Pam and Kirk want to swim.

In the past I have only watched a family friendly edit of this. Now for the first time I saw the full 83min and I must say that I am most impressed. This is one of best horror movies ever. There is almost no runtime padding except for some dialog among the main characters which really helps no one. The rest of the movie strictly serves the story, with the parts summing up to a whole so perfectly as they usually don’t, especially not in slasher movies. And Hooper himself, surely not the worst in the industry, never managed to do something quite like this ever again. Which of course is cool. With this one masterpiece he is ahead of most writers and directors, including many blockbuster makers.

Reminder

In the comment section they say that this doesn’t work in USA and Canada, so in case of doubt please pick a german server for your VPN.

Movie 83min

Trailer

and then some extra footage

Not Hooper’s best work, but the song is a timeless classic.

Rabid (1977)

Movie 91min

Trailer

On Cronenberg World, vampirism is a disease much like the rabies. 91min imdb

Recap:

Rose has a motorcycle accident and is picked up by the ambulance of the nearest hospital, which happens to be an institute for plastic surgery where she is given some kind of stem cell treatment. You can imagine that stem cells were rather experimental back in 1977, so from now on she can no longer digest conventional food. Instead she starts hugging people to death, sucking their blood with a proboscis that she keeps in an additional vagina hidden in her armpit. But you know what mosquitoes are like, they spread diseases, in this case: the Vampirabies which turn people into rabid bloodbingers. This disease is quite deadly, especially when you shoot the infected as part of the containment strategy (the other part is handing out vaccination certificates). I would like to file this as a holiday movie because when fighting this epidemic, shooting Santa is just a collateral damage (but then I won’t because only one Santa slayed just isn’t enough).

I guess it’s quite obvious that I like this movie, and why not? People say that this is far from being one of Cronenberg’s better movies, and I don’t disagree. The narrative is a bit choppy, it feels a bit as if they have had a script for a much longer movie and then removed every scene that wasn’t indispensable. Well whatever. I liked it. It is a good movie, it is well done and contains a lot of good ideas. I sure would love to re-watch Videodrome and watch those other Cronenberg movies which are considered better, but there’s nothing wrong (and much right) with this movie.

Mars Men (1976)

A Thai terracotta superhero and a Japanese transformer Cessna team up against evil Martians. 82min. imdb

Movie 80min

Trailer (French)

Recap:

So there are these Martians who need a magic stone to conquer the universe. For a few minutes we see Martian Queen and Martian King wreck a city in Thailand searching for the stone, but most of the first half is just exposition and yadda yadda. In the second half, however, we have Jumborg Ace, who is a Cessna that transforms into a Japanese superhero and Hanumanji who is basically a Thai terracotta superhero. Of course, when superheroes meet, the international code of conduct requires that they battle each other first, but eventually they team up against the Martians.

Now this is what I call a superhero movie! I think that many people who make superhero movies should watch this, especially Micky Mouse who recently purchased Marvel and now has no idea what to do with it. The Japanese always were aware that superheroes primarily are for children (and, of course, secondarily for nerds) and this movie proves that the Thai know it too.

What bothers me, though: what became of the humans that were abducted to be ritually crucified? Do you remember when the Green Lanterns built a yellow lantern, because, well, Hal Jordan didn’t need a yellow lantern to kick this supervillain into the sun, but they left it in anyway because it looked cool. Same here: the crucified people looked quite swell in front of the fiery background, but nobody ever cared to save them. At least not in the version that I watched. But I’m not complaining. I take what I can get, and this version even is dubbed… sort of. I hope that this is an inofficial fan dub because a professional dub just shouldn’t sound like this. One of the children at the beginning of the movie sounds a lot like Cartman. And the translator obviously was under the influence at least part of the time. “Mine is longer than yours” is my personal highlight of the movie, but it’s just one of many.

All in all this is not the best superhero movie ever, but it is very, very good.

Tombs Of The Blind Dead (1972)

Satanist temple knights who were excommunicated and whose eyes were eaten by the birds rely on their ears when zombieing around. 101min imdb

Movie 100min age restricted

Movie family fun edit ca. 93min

Trailer

Recap:

So there is this love triangle: Virginia wants Roger, but Roger is after Bella, so Virginia jumps off the train and wants to sleep in the old abandoned abbey. At this point we’re almost half an hour into the movie and so far absolutely nothing has happened. But then, while reading a book, at timestamp 27:50, she flips to the last page to see how the story ends, and you know know that in catholic horror movies no sin goes unpunished. So the graves open up and undead satanist templers emerge, complete with live and healthy horses. The next day, the police asks Roger and Bella for an identification of Virginia’s body, but the attendant at the morgue has had a clown for breakfast and, trying to be funny, presents the wrong corpse. So Virginia later has to rise from the dead and kill him.

All in all this movie is unnecessarily long, and the amount of gore is unnecessarily small, but it has its moments and these temple knights are extremely cool, and the last plot twist is Fun with a capital f. So I say yes to the blind dead. I like it, it is a good movie and it doesn’t even bother me when the dialogue permanently switches between English and Portuguese (or is it Spanish?). I like to believe that the movie was mutilated for the international release and that this is a restored version.

Criminally Insane (1975)

Fat Ethel slashes everybody who gets between her and the fridge. 61min imdb

Movie 61min

Trailer

Recap

So there is Ethel, she has mental problems, so she gets shock treatment. Unlike her quack she knows that electroshocks don’t work, she prefers eating. Her grandmother is the first one to try to get between Ethel and the food. It doesn’t end well.

For me, watching this movie was a dare, because it’s marketed as a bad taste exploitation slasher comedy, the worst of the worst, making fun of the fat, yadda yadda yadda yadda, you must feel the subconscious need to punish yourself to switch on a movie like this. But guess what, I have seen worse. In a way, this really is a movie. The storytelling, the cinematography, the editing, all this is done as if they really tried to make an actual movie, and Youtube channels that make money with commercial breaks are uploading several turds every day which are so much worse.

I didn’t read too many of the reviews, but I bet that there are people who will tell you that this is indeed a tragedy and that Ethel and her sister are some metaphorical hyperbole analogies or whatever for our constant and futile struggle with reality. Of course they are wrong, this is a piece of trash and not a piece of art after all. But at least they are closer to the truth than those who accuse this movie of fatshaming or whatever. It is what it is. It’s not a good movie, but it’s a good thing that I watched it.

Seizure (1974)

A weekend with family and friends is interrupted by a eerie home invasion. Oliver Stone’s first feature film as director. 98min imdb

Movie 94min

Trailer

Recap:

So there is this guy and his family, and they are expecting guests. Then there is this home invasion, and we assume that these invaders are the escapees from the madhouse they have mentioned earlier.

Well, yes, what do you do if you’re a Vietnam veteran who does small jobs in the movie industry. For example you could co-write and direct a horror movie, why not? How hard can it be? Actually it was quite hard, there is an abundance of stories about what a stupid idea it was to have the whole cast and crew live in the house which was also the movie location, and how difficult it was to get a copy of the movie and bring it back to the USA. The biggest problem however was, in my eyes, Oliver Stone himself. Later on he became the award winning darling of many (not really including me), but back then he hardly knew what he wanted nor what he was doing. Yes, the movie is both quite suspenseful and surreal, I have seen so much worse, but on the other hand I constantly get the feeling that I am looking at an attempt to create arthouse horror with a talent which may be huge or not but which is so totally not honed. It sure is worth to give it try for reasons of curiosity, but I really say it’s rather so-so. There are movies which were made with lower standards that I enjoyed more because they actually met these lower standards.

I Drink Your Blood (1970)

A very small small town is invaded by a gang of rabid hippie satanists. 90min imdb

Movie 88min age restriced

Trailer

Recap:

So the hippies are coming to town, and you know what hippies are like: they are violent and they take drugs and worship Satan and are a menace to society. After they have mistreated the big sister and the grandpa of Pete, the boy discovers a rabid dog, which comes in handy for his revenge plot.


What we have here is a nasty, gory exploitation flick cashing in on the Manson murders, and it’s a bun full of fun. Usually I dislike bad movies, but this is one of the few exceptions that are REALLY so-bad-that-it’s-good! It’s not just gross, there are also many (involuntarily) funny bits in it. Also, there is a black man (person of color) , an actor from India playing the part of an Indian (native American), several men with hard hats and, in the end, even some cops in uniform, so I had to remind myself several times that the Village People had their debut not before 1977.


What really grosses me out however is how youtube handles historic documents like this: on the one hand it is age restricted, which in a way is cool, let’s protect the youngsters and leave the fun to the adults.But what nasty things are they saying that even the age restricted version had to be muted for a minute or so?Also I am pretty sure that there are a few gory takes missing, so I must ask: why the age restriction when you censor it anyway?

The only thing that comforts me is that even the youtube version is quite entertaining.

Dark Star (1974)

Classic SF comedy by co-author, actor and production designer Dan O’Bannon and co-author, composer and director John Carpenter. 73min imdb

(VPN:D)

Recap:

The Dark Star has been scouting space for many years now, and the crew has become quite weary. Boiler and Doolittle are still doing their job, though Doolittle misses his surfboard. Talbot has retreated to the observation dome, meditating all day. Pinback is not even an astronaut, he is on board only by accident. Talking bout accidents: commander Powell is cryogenic hibernation, they have lost their complete supply of toilet paper, and the AI of one of the bombs is getting stubborn.

This was a college movie in the first place, probably one of the best college movies ever made. It caught the attention of a movie producer who ordered additional footage to pad the runtime for a theatrical release, and the rest is history. Now it’s not only a top notch comedy but also an artifact of historic value because it started the career of Dan O’Bannon and John Carpenter.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The Humanoid (1979)

Italian attempt to cash in on Star Wars, with Richard Kiel in the title role and music by Ennio Morricone. 99min imdb

(VPN:D)

Review:

So there is this evil brother who wants to rule the galaxy with the help of Humanoids, which are hulkish supersoldiers. But first he wants to kill the good brother who happens to be the ruler of the galaxy right now using the Humanoid prototype who looks just like Jaws (the Jaws from the James Bond movies, of course). But then there is that annoying little brat with the bathrobe of Luke Skywalker who befriends the Humanoid.

A big part of the budget was spent on introducing the designers of this movie to the look of star wars, and then the story was reduced to what they could do with the rest of the money. It is nice and entertaining, especially for fans of so-bad-that-it’s-good. And that’s the only reason why I watched it in the first place: they featured it on SchleFaZ , which is the poor (or german) man’s MST3K. So unless you are a trash nerd you may want to skip it.

⭐⭐⭐

Shock Waves (1976)

Peter Cushing and John Carradine in a movie about underwater nazi zombies. 84min imdb

(VPN:D)

Review:

John Carradine is the captain of a small very old ship with a crew of two and a four tourists on board. Eventually they are hit by a huge ghostship and find themselves stranded on a forgotten island with a hotel that has been abandoned by everybody but Peter Cushing. During World War 2 he had been in charge of a ship full of underwater nazi zombies, and when the war was lost he just sank the ship and retired to said hotel.

What’s not to like about those blonde underwater nazi zombies with their awesome dark goggles? Often it’s really badass when they come out of the water. And, well, that’s where it starts with what I don’t like about them: sometimes they just kneel in the shallow water until they stand up. I wonder why and that sometimes ruins my immersion. And wait until you find out how you can kill an underwater nazi zombie. Spoiler: it’s not about destroying their brain. And while we’re at it: yes, this is a zombie movie, but, no, this is by no means a gore movie. Every single kill is unbloody and some even happen off camera, which is a bit untypical for that kind of film.

Oh yes, this movie has it’s moments, and I sure like the extra twists they add towards the end just to make you feel a little extra miserable. And as I mentioned above, the zombies in many scenes are quite badass.

So all in all this is a very watchable movie. It’s not a masterpiece, it doesn’t keep some of its promises, but it’s very, very watchable.

⭐⭐⭐

Werewolves On Wheels (1971)

74min

(VPN:D)

Sound

English

Captions

None

70s exploitation of Easy Rider with a horror twist.

watch now

Trailer

imdb

Rotten Tomatoes

Review:

Does it count as a spoiler when I tell you what’s no happening in this movie?Well you’re NOT going to see a pack of Werewolves riding their bikes.

Instead there is this gang of bikers, little league, small time crooks, but they call themselves The Devil’s Advocates, so they don’t hesitate to drink the wine some Satanists offer them. By night, when everybody is drugged, the Satanists have a satanic picnic with one of the gang members, and from that moment on things go downhill for the bikers. Gang members are murdered every night until the gang gets lost in a sand storm and things get a little trippy.

Most of the movie, we see bikers biking or stopping at a gas station or resting in the desert. They also added a bit of horror to it, but not enough to tickle my fancy. There are reviews that tell you how fun and free the shooting must have been, and that may very well be true. And yet: I really wanted to like this little trash movie, and I still wanted to like it after I realized that it was not really about werewolves on wheels. I wanted to write just how refreshing it is to watch this amateur movie that just doesn’t care about the laws of filmmaking. But the best thing about this is that I now can claim that I have seen a movie called Werewolves On Wheels. And? How was it? Well, quite disappointing.

⭐⭐

Suspiria (1977)

98min

(VPN:D)

Sound

English

Subs

English auto

Italian horror movie about a nightmarish dance academy, directed by Dario Argento, starring Jessica Harper.

watch now

Trailer

imdb

Rotten Tomatoes

Review:

American dancer Suzy enrolls at a German “Tanz Akademie” (where everybody speaks English). The night she arrives, another student flees the school in panic and is brutally murdered shortly thereafter. The academy turns out to be a sheer nightmare: the staff is a complete freak show, the dorms are maggot infested, and it seems like the headmistress has Suzy drugged whenever she feels like it. Suzy talks to Sarah, who used to be a friend of the girl that was murdered at the beginning of the movie, and she gets the impression that witchcraft may be involved.

Dario Argento is said to be one of Europe’s greatest directors of horror and giallo, and I can see why. The sets do not even try to look realistic, the movie makes excessive overuse of light and color, it all looks like a dream, like a trip, unreal… Maybe surreal? Well this is not arthouse, this is an extremely well crafted horror movie starring the adorable Jessica Harper.

In short: me like!

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Bruce Lee Against Supermen (1975)

Bruce Lee Against Supermen (1975) 84min English dub VPN:D

⭐

A scientist invents a cure for famine, but he is abducted because he refuses to sell out to the villains. A Kung fu dude knot Bruce Lee, of course, but a character played by an actor called Bruce Li) comes to the rescue.

Near the beginning of the movie we see a man dressed as Kato, and there are also a few scenes with two guys in the red outfits of the Tri Supermen with green insects stitched on the chest. That’s about as superheroic as this movie gets.

This movie is incredibly stupid and doesn’t make any sense at all. The best explanation for this mess is that they had leftovers from other, unmade movies and then shot additional footage to compile something that (if you don’t look too closely) resembles an actual movie.

It may very well be that the so-bad-that-it’s-good community will say that this is a jolly good lark, and I sure would love Ryan George to do a pitch meeting about it, but normal people should avoid this at all costs.

The Iron Superman (1975)

The Iron Superman 1975 85min German dub with English subs VPN:D ⭐⭐⭐

For decades ships and planes have vanished in the Bermuda Triangle, and only one couple ever was smart enough to equip their son with a life vest. About 20 years later this sole survivor has become a brave man who can mount and control a mecha and stop the alien invasion that is behind the occurrences in the Bermuda Triangle.

A classic 70s children’s trash movie,  “so-bad-that-it’s-good”.

Asylum (1972)

⭐⭐⭐ 88min British anthology movie with Peter Cushing, written by Robert Bloch

Recap:

All right, so there is this shrink who wants to work in a madhouse. During the job interview he’s told that the actual head of the asylum is upstairs and mingles with the inmates. To get the job he needs to talk to the patients and find out who the actual professor is. This is the envelope for several short stories.

This is obviously a “could watch”. You don’t have to watch it, but if you do you will not regret it, especially if you like old-fashioned brit horror and/or anthology movies and/or Peter Cushing.

(imdb 6 rt 3,5)

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