The Organization With A Cool Acronym reactivates agent David Hasselhoff because they need his cool oneliners in their fight against HYDRA. 120min(?) imdb
Recap:
Andrea “Viper” von Strucker steals the shock frosted body of her father Wolfgang and recreates the Totenkopf or Death Head Virus to blackmail the Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate (since 1991,formerly known as Strategic Headquarters, International Espionage and Law-enforcement Division, currently known as Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division). Also she gives Nicholas Fury the kiss of death using a frogtoxine which is a quite supervillainous thing to do, because not only does Fury not actually die for 48 hours, but since the froxine obviously was genetically altered with her DNA to make her immune, he now is also quite motivated to take a sample of her blood.
HYDRA is not only one of the few terrorist organizations that call themselves “terrorist”, it is also very dangerous because for each head that you cut off, it grows a new buttock. So to fight it you need an extremely tough, old fashioned agent, one who solves technical difficulties by shooting a round into the control panels. Have you seen what it looks like when Mickey Mouse is trying to make a superhero movie? I guess that some of his movies are quite decent, but looking at Black Panther or Fantastic Four #3 (2015) I’d say that Mickey should leave his paws off Marvel and stick to my childhood hero Phantomias (aka Paperinik, created 1969 in Italy as a Disney original). This movie is fun. Yes, it’s cheap and it’s cheesy, but I’m cool with that because I just love superheroes. They are just like pizza: they come in all styles and sizes and i never want them without extra cheese.
Interesting is the choice of actor for this one: if you are used to Samuel L. Jackson playing the role you will hardly recognize Fury in this one: much like in the comic book and much unlike Jackson, this one smokes! Cigars! In the elevator of the Helicarrier! And much unlike Jackson this one can be replaced with a LMD or Life Model Decoy. So when they had to hire an actor that could be replaced with a robot with a rubber mask, they chose David Hasselhoff. You may not have heard of him, but in the 80s and early 90s of the last century he was well known as a swimsuit model who was dumber than his car. Does it work? Well, what do I know! Nick Fury has never been my favorite comic book hero, and except for him and Wolfgang von Strucker I recognized none of the characters in this movie. But I can very well imagine that dyed in the wool fans were upset by this corny, exaggerated Fury spitting the oneliners. In my opinion however Hasselhoff nails the trope of the hard-boiled spy BECAUSE he delivers such an over the top parody. So while I never was a fan of Baywatch or Knight Rider, the Hoff has earned my sympathy with this one, and I shall never hassle him again.
(By the way, most sources including imdb say this is 120min long. However, one source says 90min, and the 90min version I watched did not look like a butchered version at all. What would they edit out anyway? This being a TV movie, there never was any sex or violence that they could censor.)
Movie 90min
Trailer
Since I mentioned Paperinik:
Arkham TV 