1980s – Arkham TV

Brain Damage (1988)

⭐⭐⭐⭐ 84min Dark twisted comedy about addiction. Directed by Frank Henenlotter

Recap

Brian shows strange behavior, neglects real life, alienates the people who care for him and starts attending a sleazy underground night club. This comes as no surprise for us, the audience, because right at the beginning of the movie we see how he is hooked up on Elmer, a cute, penis shaped drug/parasite that keeps him happy. Trouble is that Elmer feeds on brains, so while Brian is spaced out he helps Elmer to murder people. This sounds like a good reason for a cold turkey, but how many people can starve their addiction without any help from anybody?

Well, this comedy is not too funny when you count the jokes that actually work, and since it’s about addiction the tragic aspects become more dominant in the second half. Yet this is not a straight, conventional horror movie either. This one is very bizarre and over the top, it’s got old-fashioned (or vintage) practical effects and puppet animation, and compared to normal horror movies it sure does go the extra mile. So yes, thumbs up.

(and before you ask: yes I know that some people keep on spelling it A-Y-L-M-E-R, but I just don’t get why? Because the goofy geezer in the movie insists? Fiddlesticks! In the end credits it’s spelled Elmer, and Elmer was also the title of the german VHS release)

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Movie

Trailer

Info

youtube

imdb

Swamp Thing (1982)

⭐⭐⭐⭐ 91min Wes Craven’s adaptation of the DC superhero

Recap

Alec Holland works at a laboratory in the swamps and is bitten by a plant-based explosive that turns him into the Swamp Thing. He now must protect government agent Alice and gas station attendant Jude from Arcane, the villain who is after the the secret research results.

This one is shot as arather conventional action movie, filmed with moderate effort. Even though it’s about a swamp thing, there is no horror in it, the thing in fact is more of a (tragic) superhero, which makes sense since it’s property of DC. It is true that Wes Craven has made better movies with smaller budgets, but it’s untrue to say this campy little stinker is not a whole lot of fun to watch.

Links

Movie

Trailer

Info

youtube

imdb

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)

Japanese cyberpunk classic about a salary an who slowly morphs into an Iron Man. 67min imdb

Recap:

The worst happens straight at the beginning: the Metal Fetishist slices open his leg to insert a metal rod. Later he sees the maggots in the open wound, runs in panic and is hit by a car.

Then the Salaryman who has hit him grows a metal pimple, and then he has strange encounters first with a woman with glasses, then with his girlfriend. Slowly he turns into Iron Man, and then his girlfriend dies, impaled on his metal peepee.

And that was only the first half. In the second half Iron Man and the Fetishist have a lengthy confrontation, very anime style.

So this counts as a classic japanese cyberpunk movie, and I must say that I like it. Everything about it is unusual, it’s got strong images, an unreal mood, yadda yadda, insert everything that real reviewers write to tell you that a movie is good.

Of course, the story is rather thin and not easy to follow, but that’s okay. For me the movie was fresh and unlike the stuff that I’m used too, and I guess that I can see quite a few more of these before I go like, “oh no, what a conventional japanese cyberpunk”.

Some of the reviews I read claimed that this one was only for gore aficionados, but I don’t completely agree. As I said above, the worst part happened straight at the beginning. From then on the movie went more and more over the top, and the less real everything became, the less I was shocked by the violence. But so much is true: this is indeed a special interest movie. I guess that you don’t have to be a gore fan or edgelord, but it helps to be a nerd for weird stuff.

Movie 67min subtitled

Trailer

Rabid Grannies (1988)

Belgian black comedy about two sweet old aunties who slash their parasitic family. 89min imdb

Recap:

So there are these two rich aunties who are having a party, and everybody who wants to inherit their money shows up. The black sheep of the family however is in jail right now, so he sends a box that contains a vapor which turns the sweet old aunties into demons.

Some of the family try to escape, but they don’t get far, the others do what people always do in this kind of movies: they hide until they decide to leave their hiding places, they search for each other, they split up, and of course there is a hole lot yelling and screaming and arguing.

I am so glad that I found this one. Sure, it’s not the best movie ever: the storytelling is so choppy and so much stuff happens offscreen that I kept on thinking that maybe I was watching a butchered version. But the gore that is shown is of very good quality, and not all, but part of the comedy stuff works well. I believe that they knew very well what they were doing. They knew that they couldn’t make a really great move, so they decided to make a nice little black comedy that would find its audience despite its flaws, and it worked.

This movie has passed the test of time and is very enjoyable even today.

Movie 90min

Trailer

Death Powder (1986)

Movie 63min

Movie 60min subtitled

No trailer

Surreal japanese cyberpunk 63min imdb

Recap:

A man and a woman enter an old factory. Inside they meet a man who attacks them and a woman that emits Death Powder, which seems to be a hallucinogen, because things now get pretty trippy. After that a man claims that the Mu are only 20km away. Three people claim that they want to deliver a parcel, but they can’t be regular mail men because they remove a lock to get inside, but the inside of the building has transmogrified into a monster.

Well, obviously I didn’t quite understand the plot. It seemed to be about things like life and death or mind and body or heaven and hell, who knows. But from all that I read this is the birth of japanese cyberpunk and thus about fear of technology. Well, why not. What I am not gonna do: I am not going to spend endless hours of reading theories and explanations trying to understand an 1h movie. I am not going to call this a turd just because I don’t understand it. And I am not going to glorify it as high end art just because I don’t understand it. This is arthouse alright, but unlike conventional arthouse this isn’t dumb and boring and pretentious. It looks cool and is impressive and, yes, it’s surreal. Surrealism was good enough for Bunuel, and everybody loved Bunuel, including me. And I guess I like this even better because it looks better, dirtier, more stylish.

So instead of judging this movie I just say I’m glad that I watched it, because it was something unseen. Also, I eventually will watch more of the same, because this is just the first of japanese cyberpunk. They other movies may be just rip-offs or maybe they will evolve the genre, or whatever. Maybe some of them will even tell a story that I can actually follow.

Sleepaway Camp 2 (1988)

Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers

Careless fun summer slasher. 80min imdb

Movie 80min

Trailer

Recap:

The movie starts with some campers telling horror stories. We get a recap of part one, plus we are told that the slasher a) has spent some years at the madhouse and b) has undergone plastic surgery and c) has been set free recently. Then we are shown that the slasher d) is working at this camp as a counselor and e) continues slashing.

So they don’t waste time and get the movie going right away. What follows is routine slashing, and it’s performed quite casually. One might say that slashing is more enjoyable when the slasher does his job with earnest dedication, but this more tongue-in-cheek approach works, in my opinion, quite well, too. The murders themselves are partly routine stuff, but mostly fun and original, and there is a decent amount of gratuitous nudity and sex. So as long as you don’t ask how the victims’ disappearances could be covered up with lies without someone actually missing them for such a long time, you have a very decent fun slasher. By no means it’s special, but it very okay and watchable.

Nosferatu In Venice (1988)

Italian attempt to cash in on Nosferatu The Vampyre (1979),starring Donald Pleasance, Christopher Plummer, Klaus Kinski and Venice. 97min imdb

Movie 93min

Trailer (German)

Recap:

So there is Donald Pleasance, looking a little lost when worrying about somebody else than Michael Myers. He’s basically a catholic priest, very catholic, drinking the blood of Christ (wine) and eating his body (sammich) while the adults are discussing the important stuff. Then there is Christopher Plummer as the ghostbuster. He vanhelsings across Venice where Nosferatu last was seen. Plummer is always good, especially when he doesn’t sing Edelweiß, and yet he makes me feel the void that Peter Cushing has left behind. Then there is Kinski with a Johnny Winter wig (that’s what you get for not shaving your head, I guess). Most of the time he is just standing there, being himself, getting the chicks. Oh, and then of course there is the star of the movie, Venice, also just standing there and being herself, being just as worn down and ugly as Kinski, but at the same time even more beautiful and enchanting than him.

The 1979 Nosferatu by Kinski and Herzog was such a success that it’s a small surprise that the Italians wanted a piece of the cake. What’s surprising however is how slow this movie is, and not slow in a let’s-pad-the-runtime-with-redundant-dialogue way, it’s more like a we-paid-for-Venice-now-let’s-make-the-most-of-it way. Maybe it’s just because that when they had spent the budget they were far from having finished the script, so they just had to make the most of what they had. So of course the movie was a quirky little flop. But I’m cool with that. I have no idea what I have missed with all that stuff that never was shot. I can only judge what I was actually shown, and that sure was good enough for me. The exterior shots were made in Venice, so you will hardly ever see a movie with more chocolate for the eyes. There’s Kinski in it, and even when he doesn’t even try to deliver a decent performance he is still Kinski, dominating the screen (except for a few occasions when his co-star Venice steals the scene). So, yes, the movie is trash, and it’s stylish, and I like it!

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Foster siblings Angela and Ricky go to summer camp. And summer camp just wouldn’t be the same without some decent slasher shenanigans. 84min imdb

Movie 84min

Trailer

Recap

So the movie starts with a freak motorboat accident, killing a family except for one child, which now is sent to grow up at the aunt’s place.

Years later, cousins and now foster siblings Angela and Ricky go to summer camp. There, people who interact with Angela have not much of a life expectancy. The first victim indeed is a pedo rapist, but then the reasons for the killings become more and more arbitrary.

In the end there is a plot twist, maybe to explain why the killer is insane and/or maybe to gross out the audience and/or to add a detail to make this movie stand out, to make it “different” and “special”. To me, this twist seemed rather forced and there is nothing really “special” about this movie. But it’s really a well done and above average slasher that deserved its success both when it comes to the profit it made and to the sequels which I will sure give a try.

X-ray (1981)

While receiving a routine check-up, a woman finds herself stranded on the hospital’s eighth floor, while someone dressed as a doctor is intent on her never leaving, even if it means killing any staff member who comes into contact with her. 89min imdb

Movie 89min age restricted

Trailer

Recap:

This is the official imdb summary:
“While receiving a routine check-up, a woman finds herself stranded on the hospital’s eighth floor, while someone dressed as a doctor is intent on her never leaving, even if it means killing any staff member who comes into contact with her.”

And well, yes, the description is accurate. I was naive, so full of wishful thinking, I was really hoping for a serious dose of psychological hospital horror, complete with mind games and power games and what have you. And in a way, that’s what I got, just not in the way I expected. In the opening credits they say that this is a Golan-Globus production, which is a huge red flag if you have ever seen Superman 4 or even an episode of the never ending Lemon Popsicle franchise.

But then, big surprise, while the movie was so totally not what I was hoping for, it turned out to be a really decent slasher. Some of the murders are really good, some scenes are pleasently absurd, there are even some big and bizarre laughs in it.

This is not arthouse, nor is it Oscar material, it is not a cinema treasure full of images that were never seen before. But it’s fun, it’s just what you want to see when you pick a horror movie. And I like it.

Children Of The Corn (1984)

An adult couple is stranded in a smalltown where they have murdered all the adults. Based on the story by Stephen King. 92min imdb

Movie 92min

Trailer

So there is Eddie, a high school boy whose favorite metal singer has died. A radio DJ gives him the only vinyl copy of Sammi Curr’s final album and tells him that he will broadcast a tape recording of the album on Halloween. Eddie starts experimenting with playing records backwards and indeed makes contact with Sammi. This seems like a good thing because now Eddie can stand his ground against his bullies. But while Eddie is a true metalhead and thus a truly gentle man, Sammi is up to no good and plans to return from the grave .

Yes, those were the eighties. Technology has improved since then, high school bullies and lying pastors are basically the same today, and to be honest, things have gone a little downhill for fashion, music and movies. This is an 80s movie. Sure, it’s not Back To The Future, and when they tried to get a sitcom star they had to go with Marc Price instead of Michael J. Fox. But still this movie is a carefree piece of fun. Imdb lists it as horror and comedy and music movie. The latter is not entirely correct. There is not that much music in it, for a big part of the movie the music is played backwards, and the soundtrack was provided mostly by Fastway. While it is true that Fast Eddie Clarke has been the first guitarist of Motörhead, getting rid of him was a giant leap in the right direction for Lemmy.

By the way way, small parts in this movie are played by Gene Simmons and Ozzy Ozbourne. Not everybody will remember, but Ozzy has not always been an obnoxious TV celeb like Donald Trump or Bruce Jenner. Back in his days he was a legend, in a way even bigger than Gene Simmons, and I guess for many people he still is today.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

The House By The Cemetery (1981)

86min

(VPN:D)

Sound

English

Captions

English auto

Classic horror movie by Lucio Fulci.

Review:

So there is this scientist from New York who has to move to Boston to finish a work that a colleague started before, so they tell him, he killed his his wife and then himself. At this point, his son starts seeing a ghost girl on a photograph.

In Boston he moves into the house where his colleague Petersen had lived, and he finds out that Petersen wasn’t doing the research that he was supposed to do, he instead was obsessed with a long dead surgeon called Freudstein.

In fact, the place where he and his family are staying now is the Freudstein mansion, and guess what, this place is haunted.

Not going to lie, this movie has ghosts and atmosphere and shock and suspense and a fair amount of blood. While watching this I thought that I would have got to complain about all the plot holes and how the various elements of the story just don’t fit together. People who call this a masterpiece are invited to explain all the logic bugs to me. I just feel like Fulci tried to create a masterpiece, and when he realized that he just didn’t have it in him, he decided to go for a massive overuse of blood and cheap thrills and then top it with a sad SAD mystery ending to add some artistic flavor.

What can I say? It works! I could write endless paragraphs about the shortcomings of this movie, but I don’t, because it really got me and I really like it!

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Class Of Nuke ‘Em High (1986)

Class Of Nuke ‘Em High (1986) 85min English sound with autocaps VPN:D

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Nuke ‘Em High is the public school of Tromaville, pop 15k, the toxic chemical capital of the world. Of course they have a nuclear power plant there, and soon the innocent hero and his girlfriend smoke a joint made of radioactive weed before they do the naughty thing. While he gets the power to temporarily hulk out, she soon gives birth to the new school mascot.

Basically this is a very well done comedy pandering to the younger audience. It’s mostly about the joys of sex and drugs and violence (there even is some gratuitous (and silicone free) nudity included for those who who have not had any live action yet). Of course I resent that. Violence may be a splendid pleasure for the sadist, but I still say it’s despicable.

It is quite impressive just how prophetic this movie is: the ruthless dealers in this movie pimp their herbs with radioactivity very much like their today’s counterparts do with dubious synthetic drugs. Also, the villains in this movie sing the national anthem and use meaningless patriotic catchphrases, and after they got kicked out of the white house, ehm, I mean out of school, they soon return to spread violence and terror and bloodshed. Life imitates art indeed.

All in all this movie is superb, I’d give it 5* if only the jokes were a little funnier, and I know that I will watch more Troma movies in the future.

Terror Train (1980)

Terror Train (1980) 97min with Jamie Lee Curtis and David Copperfield English sound VPN:D

⭐⭐

There is this incel who has been pranked three years ago. Now there is that college fraternity that has a Halloween party on a train, which is a good opportunity for revenge because the killer can change his disguised whenever necessary.

The good thing about this movie is that Jamie Lee Curtis is in it.

The bad thing is that it’s probably her worst movie ever, and also: David Copperfield is in it.

Tag Archives: 1980s

Brain Damage (1988)

Recap

Links

Swamp Thing (1982)

Recap

Links

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)

Recap:

Rabid Grannies (1988)

Recap:

Death Powder (1986)

Recap:

Sleepaway Camp 2 (1988)

Recap:

Nosferatu In Venice (1988)

Recap:

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Recap

More

X-ray (1981)

Recap:

Children Of The Corn (1984)

Recap:

Aenigma (1987)

Recap:

Nightmare City (1980)

Recap:

Panic (1982)

Recap:

City Of The Living Dead (1980)

Review:

Trick Or Treat (1986)

Review:

The House By The Cemetery (1981)

Review:

Class Of Nuke ‘Em High (1986)

Terror Train (1980)