Invasion Of The Saucer-Men (1957)

⭐⭐⭐ 69min Lowbrow alien invasion on a bargain budget.

Recap

So there is this bull who is loitering around lovers’ lane, mooching beer. And then there is this flying saucer. And then there are these young folks who hit an alien with their car.

Now what I wanted was a simple movie that I could watch even though I was tired, very tired. So I found this one, and it wasn’t too long, and it had this incredible creature design, so I gave it a try. And I wasn’t disappointed. Sure, it is supposed to be funny, and the humor just didn’t age well. But on the other hand there are so many corny old movies that have so much more of a following even though they are not better than this one. For example, This Island Earth is considered a SF classic by some while others enjoy it being riffed on at the MST3K. This one is shorter, more entertaining and has a clearly superior creature design. While this is in no way a classic I can not understand why I never heard of it and found it only by accident.

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Movie

Trailer

Info

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1957)

⭐⭐ 79min Aliens use Plan 9 to scare mankind. Written and directed by Ed Wood. With Tor Johnson and (in a way) Bela Lugosi.

Recap

So there are these sightings of flying saucers from outer space. As we find out, the aliens have been trying to warn mankind for months now, but to no avail. So the aliens try plan 9, which means that they raise zombies from their graves.

In the year 1980, the Medved Brothers published the book The Golden Turkey Awards to celebrate trash cinema. The most important trophy, The Worst Film Of All Time, was awarded to Plan 9 From Outer Space, and Ed Wood was awarded worst director. Oh how I wish that they had been right, but I have seen so many movies that were so much worse. Sure, the story is brainless, the acting is bad, and Wood himself didn’t even know just how unskilled he was. But maybe that is what makes him special. People like Bret Kelly or companies like Asylum are just brazen when they make trash movies for profit, while everybody seems to love Ed Wood for being the pure fool.

While this is far from being the worst movie ever, it sure is pretty bad, and it sure is fun to watch for those who love so-bad-that-it’s-good movies. And while it is bad I give it a mediocre rating including a bonus for being a historical document.


Links

Movie 78min

Trailer

Info

Rubber’s Lover (1996)

In this japanese cyberpunk, two “scientists” use drugs and torture for “scientific” reasons. 91min imdb

Recap:

So there are two scientists (one mad, one evil) and a depraved nurse who use a mix of drugs and torture to either give their victims psychic powers or kill them. Because of their incompetence their funder sends his assistant to tell them that they’re fired. So the scientists go all in and drug and torture both their last surviving human guinea pig and the assistant. Trouble is that they now succeed and can not stand up to the powers that they unleashed.

Well, since japanese cyberpunk seems to be mostly about body horror and fear of technology, shot in b&w and with an artsy attitude, I shall say that this movie is pretty well done. It is very impressive and a morbid fun to watch. Much unlike the first two movies of this kind that I watched, this time I was quite able to follow the plot. I don’t know if others will say that this means that the movie is not artsy enough, but speaking strictly for me, I very much like to understand the story. However this movie does not have theoverwhelming look that Tetsuo has, so I guess I recommend to watch this one first for the story and then Tetsuo for the visuals.

Movie 90min subtitled

Trailer

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)

Japanese cyberpunk classic about a salary an who slowly morphs into an Iron Man. 67min imdb

Recap:

The worst happens straight at the beginning: the Metal Fetishist slices open his leg to insert a metal rod. Later he sees the maggots in the open wound, runs in panic and is hit by a car.

Then the Salaryman who has hit him grows a metal pimple, and then he has strange encounters first with a woman with glasses, then with his girlfriend. Slowly he turns into Iron Man, and then his girlfriend dies, impaled on his metal peepee.

And that was only the first half. In the second half Iron Man and the Fetishist have a lengthy confrontation, very anime style.

So this counts as a classic japanese cyberpunk movie, and I must say that I like it. Everything about it is unusual, it’s got strong images, an unreal mood, yadda yadda, insert everything that real reviewers write to tell you that a movie is good.

Of course, the story is rather thin and not easy to follow, but that’s okay. For me the movie was fresh and unlike the stuff that I’m used too, and I guess that I can see quite a few more of these before I go like, “oh no, what a conventional japanese cyberpunk”.

Some of the reviews I read claimed that this one was only for gore aficionados, but I don’t completely agree. As I said above, the worst part happened straight at the beginning. From then on the movie went more and more over the top, and the less real everything became, the less I was shocked by the violence. But so much is true: this is indeed a special interest movie. I guess that you don’t have to be a gore fan or edgelord, but it helps to be a nerd for weird stuff.

Movie 67min subtitled

Trailer

Death Powder (1986)

Movie 63min

Movie 60min subtitled

No trailer

Surreal japanese cyberpunk 63min imdb

Recap:

A man and a woman enter an old factory. Inside they meet a man who attacks them and a woman that emits Death Powder, which seems to be a hallucinogen, because things now get pretty trippy. After that a man claims that the Mu are only 20km away. Three people claim that they want to deliver a parcel, but they can’t be regular mail men because they remove a lock to get inside, but the inside of the building has transmogrified into a monster.

Well, obviously I didn’t quite understand the plot. It seemed to be about things like life and death or mind and body or heaven and hell, who knows. But from all that I read this is the birth of japanese cyberpunk and thus about fear of technology. Well, why not. What I am not gonna do: I am not going to spend endless hours of reading theories and explanations trying to understand an 1h movie. I am not going to call this a turd just because I don’t understand it. And I am not going to glorify it as high end art just because I don’t understand it. This is arthouse alright, but unlike conventional arthouse this isn’t dumb and boring and pretentious. It looks cool and is impressive and, yes, it’s surreal. Surrealism was good enough for Bunuel, and everybody loved Bunuel, including me. And I guess I like this even better because it looks better, dirtier, more stylish.

So instead of judging this movie I just say I’m glad that I watched it, because it was something unseen. Also, I eventually will watch more of the same, because this is just the first of japanese cyberpunk. They other movies may be just rip-offs or maybe they will evolve the genre, or whatever. Maybe some of them will even tell a story that I can actually follow.

The Humanoid (1979)

Italian attempt to cash in on Star Wars, with Richard Kiel in the title role and music by Ennio Morricone. 99min imdb

(VPN:D)

Review:

So there is this evil brother who wants to rule the galaxy with the help of Humanoids, which are hulkish supersoldiers. But first he wants to kill the good brother who happens to be the ruler of the galaxy right now using the Humanoid prototype who looks just like Jaws (the Jaws from the James Bond movies, of course). But then there is that annoying little brat with the bathrobe of Luke Skywalker who befriends the Humanoid.

A big part of the budget was spent on introducing the designers of this movie to the look of star wars, and then the story was reduced to what they could do with the rest of the money. It is nice and entertaining, especially for fans of so-bad-that-it’s-good. And that’s the only reason why I watched it in the first place: they featured it on SchleFaZ , which is the poor (or german) man’s MST3K. So unless you are a trash nerd you may want to skip it.

⭐⭐⭐

War Of The Satellites (1958)

66min

(VPN:D)

Sound

English

Captions

various

Roger Corman’s quick reaction to the Sputnik fad.

Review:

The UN space program is experimenting with manned satellites, but all attempts fail. Eventually some kind of meteorite crash lands on earth, containing a warning of aliens who declare that they don’t want people like the earthlings in space and that the planet is quarantined. The satellite program is continued nonetheless, so the aliens replace the most important scientist with a shapeshifter.

Well yes, very old fashioned and quite entertaining movie by Roger Corman. Nothing special though.

⭐⭐⭐

Mission Stardust (1967)

95min

(VPN:D)

Sound

English

Subs

None

Italian trash flick that both started and ended the movie career of Perry Rhodan.

Review:

Perry Rhodan is the first man on the moon, well, the first human anyway. Because shortly after touchdown he discovers a shipwrecked spaceship of the Arkonides. Those are the rulers of a huge interstellar empire, their technology is advanced beyond human imagination, yet they have become so lame and lazy that they don’t even think of fixing their ship or even cure the cancer of their commander Crest. Rhodan thinks that it might be a good thing if the aliens owed him one, so he offers to take Crest to an African oncologist. Together with Thora, a hot tempered alien Amazon, they use an arkonide shuttle to land in Africa, where soon African army and a gang of gangsters are after the extraterrestrial technology.

Well, that’s the story of the movie, anyway. In the original story, Rhodan landed the shuttle in the desert Gobi and had a hard time preventing world War 3 when China, America and Russia tried to have the alien technology all for themselves. Trouble was that in 1967 nobody even thought of big budget space operas, so the plot was downsized to what the budget would permit, and it showed. The owners of the franchise never sold any movie rights ever again.


Oh well, the movie sure doesn’t do any justice to the biggest science fiction franchise ever, but in comparison to other space flicks of that Era it isn’t even too shabby. Yes, I’ll say that it’s entertaining in its own way.

⭐⭐⭐

And just for the hell of it: a Playlist with a selection of official and inofficial Perry Rhodan Music.

Robot Monster (1953)

63min

(VPN:D)

Sound

English

Subs

English auto

Classic SF movie about an alien invasion that consists of one single Robot Monster.

Review:

Ro-Man, the Robot Monster eliminates almost all mankind using a death ray. Only a handful of people survive because of of a miraculous new antibiotic. Even though the survivors act very much like slashees in a horror movie, which means that they don’t stick together and run around alone again and again, Ro-Man is has a hard time trying to track them down.

Ro-Man was the first and hopefully only Robot Monster ever that consisted of a furry suit and and a diving helmet, which earned him a Golden Turkey Award for being the “Most Ridiculous Monster In Screen History”, and all in all the story is so incredibly dumb that the final plot twist should not be surprising.

Many people celebrate this movie for being so-bad-that-it’s-good, and I so totally agree.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cat-Women Of The Moon (1953)

Cat-Women Of The Moon 1953 64min English sound with autocaps VPN:D ⭐⭐⭐

Astronauts travel to the moon and discover that catwomen are not nekos, but normal women in catsuits.

This movie is quite bearable, even entertaining. I’m quite sure that some trash nerds will call this a cult classic, but I disagree.